What I Yearn For
by xRainbowDragon
Summary: AU In which Kaidan is a prince, Garrus is a dragon living in the mountains, and Jane Shepard is a blood-drinking biotic mage, engaged to the wrong man. One-sided Kaidan/FemShep Eventual FemShep/Garrus


**Ugh I was in two minds as to whether to upload this or not, cause I'm not really the best writer... but anyway, we're here now, right?**  
**Dragon!Garrus & Mage!Shep has been an idea floating around in my head for way too long now, and I reallyreallyreally wish there were more AUs of Mass Effect, where it's not like, the same universe but oh, look! they're not soldiers this time! Yeah.**

**Sorry that this chapter is so paragraph-heavy, with so little dialogue. I promise the rest of the chapters will have more dialogue and interaction between characters, but for now I just wanted to establish Jane's background.**

**Disclaimer; Mass Effect is property of Bioware, and if it were mine, Shepards of any gender would get some callibrations, if ya get what I mean.**

* * *

Fallen leaves and twigs crackle and crunch underfoot as the misshapen figure lumbers out of the forest and into the small clearing, their mud-coated cape tugged tight around their strange form. From the other side, three men rush to approach, pointing spears threateningly at this unknown being. A weak hand raises and, trembling, pushes back the ebony hood of the cape. Dirty, clumped brown hair slides forwards and dances upon the stranger's breasts. The men see that this is a woman - too old to be a girl, but far too young to be an established woman in whatever tribe she has arrived from – who has clearly been away from civilization for too long. Her teeth are cracked and several are missing, and her left eye is clouded over, no doubt from infection or malnourishment. The three men can instantly see that this is a woman who has been standing upon Death's gnarled doorstep for a great many months. Usually, a being such as this would be left outside the village to die peacefully as food for the animals that roamed the forests, so the guards, exchanging morose glances with each other, begin to turn around and head back into the village. The woman barks something in a strange tongue at them, as many do, and only one of the three flinches and turns back to face her. She beckons him towards her with a cracked smile and, as if under the influence of strong black magic, he obeys. When he is roughly a foot away from her, she slowly and with much effort opens her cloak and pushes a small bundle into his arms. He takes the bundle and clutches it to his chest as, with the same cracked smile, the woman falls to the ground to meet with her maker. Looking down, the guard named Hackett came to the great realization that he had just been presented with a dying woman's young child.

* * *

It is a story I have heard many times, but it never ceases to make me feel at ease when I am unhappy. My adoptive 'mother', Hannah, had been unable to have children as a result of a wild animal attack when she had ventured out too far into the forest. This made her the obvious choice to look after me when I was brought back to the village. Mother and I lived a ways out of the village, next to a grassy pasture where the animals lived. When we had visitors come to trade and seek refuge in the village, I had often been told how unusual it was to have a female shepherd in the village; didn't we know it was men's work? Mother was very well-respected in the village, and any strangers who took their chauvinistic views too far were generally snubbed by shopkeepers and refused an audience with the King and his wife. Mother had named me 'Jane', which she told me was because the Gods certainly had been gracious to the two of us. Sometimes, I don't feel as if the Gods have been very gracious at all. When I was young – around 10 years of age, mother had started showing me how to look after the sheep and how to milk the cows – at first it had been interesting and fun, but after a few months I lost interest, and would often shirk my duties to attend to more interesting matters, like roaming the village with our small dog, Urz. Urz had been the only puppy our sheepdog had birthed, and he was too pathetic of a runt to be of any use as either a guard dog or a herding dog, so mother had allowed me to keep him as a companion. Most of the other children tended to avoid me, because many of their parents chose to avoid Hannah. She was somewhat at odds with many of the inhabitants of our village, though she'd never given any hints as to why.

It had been on one of my many duty-shirking roams through one of the quieter districts that I had met Liara. Mother had told me many times that if I saw the woman around, I shouldn't bother her, because she had a very important job, and she was always very busy. Liara was a mage, which for some reason meant that she had to keep her head shaven and paint this disgusting-smelling blue gunk onto her scalp and face, sometimes as a full coat, sometimes mirroring the war-paint of our fierce fighters, depending on the situation she was called out to. She had called me aside one day and had invited me into her hut under the pretense of wanting someone to test out her new tea recipe. Being the ever-police girl I had been raised to be, I of course accepted.

It was only after the fourth invite that I gathered up the guts to ask her why she was asking me back to her hut and making me drink the reddened tea that gave me freaky headaches. I thought she would wet herself from the look of excitement on her face. Finally, she admitted that she had been making me drink animal blood, as some sort of a test, to see if I had what she called 'biotics'. She explained that mages usually discovered that they had biotics when they were forced to eat raw meat, since the consumption of blood made the crackle of magic extra strong inside them. I didn't believe her at first - I mean, _me_, a mage? – but she insisted that I come to her for more tests and, later, training. Eventually, I became accustomed to the idea and just took to my duties like a duckling takes to water. In time, Liara taught me great things – how to heal illnesses, how to repel animals from the village gates, how to read and write the strange little carvings she called runes and how to tell if people are lying or telling the truth.

When Liara passed away 6 years after she began feeding me animal blood, it was the general opinion of the villagers that I should take Liara's hut, and so as to not tread on any toes, I did as was expected of me. I don't think Hannah even noticed that I wasn't there anymore; she had become so detached from the rest of the world. Eventually, word reached me that she had taken her own life after giving birth to a baby boy – who many believed should become my ward. However, Anderson put his boot-clad foot down and said that if I was to be the mage of this village, I couldn't very well have a screaming child keeping me up at all hours of the night. In private, I thanked him heartily for his input and expressed my disinterest in caring for my sort-of-brother. I held him only once, to name him John, before I passed him to his new parents, who were also taking over the care of Hannah's small but vital collection of animals. Alone in my bed of straw and feathers one night, I cried myself to sleep, and carved my name into the beam above my head. Liara had taught me to spell my given name – J, A, N, E, but I had to guess on the spelling for my mother's occupation. And so JANE was joined by a crude, roughly-drawn SHEPARD.

* * *

"Janey, what are you doing here?"  
Suppressing a grimace, I tried my hardest to return the prince's enthusiastic smile and tone of voice. "Just going to give Bhatia some herbs for her chest pains, and you?"  
"I was just coming to see you, Jane. I'll carry this, if you'd like."  
I could feel my smile slipping off my face. "No, Kaidan, that is perfectly fine, I am capable of doing this myself."  
He gave me what I supposed was a dazzling smile and pulled my basket from my tense arms, "Janey, what sort of prince would let a beautiful woman carry her own basket? Besides, it means you can't run away from me as soon as you're out of my sights."  
Oh, he'd noticed. I'd really thought he'd be far too dense to recognize the fact that I had no desire to be in his company.  
The walk to Bhatia's was very tense and awkward for me. My once-friendly relationship with Kaidan had been very _off_since Liara had, at one point, leaned down to me with a smug smirk on her face and muttered something about Kaidan being smitten with me. I loved Kaidan, sure, he was the first person to really accept me in the village, but he was the _prince_, and I had no desire to birth his children. A prince couldn't very well marry a woman who was unwilling to give him heirs.  
But he just wouldn't leave me alone, as usual. Over an hour later, he was sitting by the fire in my little hut, his gloves and boots resting next to the door as he warmed his hands and feet whilst I made him tea – Liara's favourite blend, of course. It was all I ever drank, apart from the blood. And I somehow doubted that Kaidan would want a vial of elk blood.

As I knew he would, he gripped my wrist tightly when I gave him his drink and made a motion to return to the corner where I prepared my food. I already knew exactly what he was going to say to me, one didn't really need to be gifted in biotics to know that – Kaidan hid his emotions about as well as a child hides their urine-soaked bed sheets.  
"Jane… I've been doing a _lot_ of thinking lately."  
He patted the floor next to him and I reluctantly seated myself. "Thinking about what?"  
A deep breath disappeared into his lungs. Oh god. "You see, my father's been putting a lot of pressure onto me to find myself a decent wife, and, well, you're a very beautiful and capable girl, Jane. I can't think of any woman in Vancouver who'd make me as happy as you do."  
I had been fighting the instinct to flee, to run into the woods and maybe track down a wolf or something big and dangerous for too long, though it just showed on my face as a wince, "I… Oh, Kaidan, I don't think…"  
"I know what you're thinking!" He jumped in quickly, whilst I mentally told him that he really had no idea, "But don't worry, I talked it over with father, and he told me that he doesn't see you as an outsider, even though you weren't born here. Actually, erm, it was his idea for me to come here today. I think he's very keen on you becoming my wife."  
Internally, I was cursing the heavens. If I turned down Kaidan's proposal, I would offend the king, and I would be seen as an outcast, just like Hannah had been. I could not let that happen.  
I didn't even realise Kaidan had been staring at me until he murmured a slow "So? What do you think?"  
Play along, Jane, play along. "Well, I'm flattered Kaidan, but aren't you supposed to ask my guardian first?" I grinned playfully, looking towards my painting of Liara sitting next to the door.  
He sighed, visibly relaxed. "So does that mean yes? You'll marry me?" He took my hand in his, and I squeezed back, making a noise of agreement and not trusting my voice to not betray my true feelings.

* * *

That night, I ventured out deeper into the forest than I usually would have, needing the exercise to work off my frustrations and fears. Mostly about Kaidan. Mostly about _marrying_ Kaidan. If I had found another village on my trip, I would have stayed there, if only to escape from a lifetime of playing the dutiful bride. And bearing _children_. My stomach turned in disgust at the mere prospect. Once we were married, it would be Kaidan's right to impregnate me, whether I wanted it or not. Kaidan was my friend, so I was sure he would wait at first, but then, eventually, he would grow tired of waiting. No man can live in celibacy after all. Besides, how do you tell a prince that you don't want to marry him and share in his riches and opportunities? It was something every woman dreamed of.  
I growled and hurled my spear, hitting the deer a little wide of its heart, but hitting it nonetheless. I said a quick prayer over its body to help its soul pass on to the next life uneventfully before I finished it off and collected as much of its blood as I could in my flask.  
While I was working, a snake slithered over my feet, it ignoring me and I it. I couldn't drink from snakes or lizards even if I wanted to – their blood was just as poisonous to me as my biotic-tainted plasma was to them. Liara had told me once that it had something to do with our ancestors, but I couldn't really remember the story that well anymore. It had been one of her more boring tales.  
The flask finally full, I took a deep swig and sighed in disappointment. As I had suspected, the deer blood wasn't enough anymore. I had been drinking little else for over 6 years, it was a miracle that it had lasted as long as it did. Quietly, I carried on walking until I reached a stream, where I slowly and mournfully emptied the flask into the stream, whispering a quiet spell to ask the Gods to forgive me for wasting the deer's life and essence. This meant that I would have to start hunting something either larger or more canine. Wolves' blood had the most biotic-enhancing properties, but other animals possessed it too – the larger the better.  
There was always the possibility of catching a fox, I supposed, but they were fast and stealthy, and it was hard enough catching one after a top-up of good blood, let alone on an empty stomach. I had only tasted canine blood once – when Hannah had died, I had gone to her cottage and found our old sheepdog on the verge of a very painful and unpleasant death and had put her down kindly with an affectionate prayer. Her blood had given me a week-long effect – almost 5 times stronger than deer blood.  
I almost didn't see the fox lapping at the water's edge, but my arrow quickly found its brain when I did. With a flask full of fox blood, I began the trek to what I knew would soon cease to be my home.

* * *

**Feel free to point out any mistakes I've made - whether it's spelling errors or just me being a twat and contradicting myself**


End file.
